Woman – What makes a woman?

Woman – What makes a woman?

Children are told boys are puppy tails and girls are made of all the good stuff. And then we live and life teach us we are wild, chaotic destroyers. We have the capacity to help people feel safe, completely accepted and loved too. But that is a whole story of transformation of how to become a woman.

Typically one day still holds in place the elements of what it takes to be a woman and true women live this every day –

ACT 1:  Today I woke up with a pain on my chest. A tangible ache was felt down my left breast. Tender and sore it never occurred to me that this is the day my mother is seeing a physician about the lump in her right breast.

Could it be that I feel her pain physically in my body?

ACT 2:  I had a business meeting discussing the photographs that highlight my life for my poetry book. It left me feeling too open and too exposed to the point of physical pain inside. Even though my revelations were received with soft eyes and compassion talking about it was enough to leave me feeling vulnerable and naked.

For so long the events of my life have been shrouded by secrecy. Talking about my life drains me: What if the world does not approve? This reminds me that I am still dependend on what is outside of me to validate and approve of my existence. (If you live in a world where you believe you should own your own power to approve of yourself, seeing the evidence that it might not actually be so for you – it stings.)

ACT 3:  My husband asked me if I am feeling frustrated, because I had ‘that look’ on my face. Instead of acknowledging my emotional state out loud, I insisted that this look is all about the visit with the psychiatrist later today when we are discussing new medication for my youngest son. With each visit to the doctor I am opened and my heart breaks again and again. This erupts inside me the deeper questions that needs answering about my son:

  1. Why do I feel so helpless when I am his mother?
  1. Why am I so subjected to society’s controls about treating symptoms instead of the real issue of nurturing which leads to a safe learning environment?
  1. Why when I am in a room with two men (my ex-husband and the psychiatrist), do the absolute worst in me come alive with almost every encounter just because I want to protect my son’s innocence so?

If only I knew the answers to these questions.

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Comment (1)

  • Dominique Reply

    My precious soul sister…your blogs always touch me so deeply, as you know by now. The questions you then ask of yourself – and share so transparently, touch the space inside me that can then stand (even when somewhat wobbly) and rise up, preventing me from remaining in a ‘victim’ space. I can be pretty hectic – up and down, as you are witness to. You…so often, so tenderly, pull me out! I think almost every women will identify with the aches in your heart – and with the fierceness, too, that arises- in a way that can be misunderstood by both ourselves and others, until honesty and clarity comes through the door of our minds and hearts. Your sharing brings me back into myself, honouring my own processes, allowing all to wash through me. The precious gift you bring, is to remind me that what I often feel or experience in my body, is not always just about me, myself and I. That I, you, other women FEEL and man, do we feel it ALL. As a fellow-nurturer, I have carried much of my children’s life experiences so deeply in my heart and being – and now, I notice it with my mom too, being so intimately with her for the past 5 weeks. And, at the end of the day, I find I sit in deep gratitude each night, in the stillness of this beautiful place in KZN, hearing the song in my soul, in my heart, that says…Feel it, girl. Hold this in your heart, and open this heart of yours wider…and then, TRUST, and let go. Just, let go. In the meantime, (in that ‘space’ in-between) I am so grateful for the wisdom you offer as I journey along further into my soul. I love you. Dom

    May 24, 2016 at 9:44 pm

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