Woman – What makes a woman?Adele Green
Children are told boys are puppy tails and girls are made of all the good stuff. And then we live and life teach us we are wild, chaotic destroyers. We have the capacity to help people feel safe, completely accepted and loved too. But that is a whole story of transformation of how to become a woman.
Typically one day still holds in place the elements of what it takes to be a woman and true women live this every day –
ACT 1: Today I woke up with a pain on my chest. A tangible ache was felt down my left breast. Tender and sore it never occurred to me that this is the day my mother is seeing a physician about the lump in her right breast.
Could it be that I feel her pain physically in my body?
ACT 2: I had a business meeting discussing the photographs that highlight my life for my poetry book. It left me feeling too open and too exposed to the point of physical pain inside. Even though my revelations were received with soft eyes and compassion talking about it was enough to leave me feeling vulnerable and naked.
For so long the events of my life have been shrouded by secrecy. Talking about my life drains me: What if the world does not approve? This reminds me that I am still dependend on what is outside of me to validate and approve of my existence. (If you live in a world where you believe you should own your own power to approve of yourself, seeing the evidence that it might not actually be so for you – it stings.)
ACT 3: My husband asked me if I am feeling frustrated, because I had ‘that look’ on my face. Instead of acknowledging my emotional state out loud, I insisted that this look is all about the visit with the psychiatrist later today when we are discussing new medication for my youngest son. With each visit to the doctor I am opened and my heart breaks again and again. This erupts inside me the deeper questions that needs answering about my son:
- Why do I feel so helpless when I am his mother?
- Why am I so subjected to society’s controls about treating symptoms instead of the real issue of nurturing which leads to a safe learning environment?
- Why when I am in a room with two men (my ex-husband and the psychiatrist), do the absolute worst in me come alive with almost every encounter just because I want to protect my son’s innocence so?
If only I knew the answers to these questions.
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