Who Else Wants These Top Tips for Intimacy?Adele Green
There are 4 top tips for intimacy that are useful to know when we realise that men and women need different things to reduce stress.
- Women predominantly want intimacy and men mostly desire sex.
Both men and women get what they really want in the same relationship. This is not the only different need between men and women, but it is one of the most important while women experience transition in the relationship.
- Men and women have different needs
- Stress is reduced differently in men and women
- Transition times requires vulnerability which increases stress levels
- Intimacy cultivates a feeling of being understood and helps us to feel safe
There comes a time in a relationship’s life cycle when one partner stands back and evaluates who they are. A relationship with its needs and development devours individuality. This becomes apparent when there are outside changes that affect the day to day thoughts, like the so-called empty nest or anything that calls for the sum of an individual’s life. During such a transition time certain burdens are put on a relationship. Without timely tips and tools for intimacy which gives relationships its connectivity, partners will look at their loved ones for the fulfilment of their soul needs.
Vulnerable women have a high need to reduce stress.
If one understands the physiological differences of how stress reduces differently in women through intimate communication, this will clear up much frustration for their partners. With necessary skills intimacy will be enhanced.
Understand how to reduce stress for women and men:
Stress reduce with higher levels of oxytocin which she experiences by with feeling intimate with her partner, when she can express her feelings and talk about her day and thoughts.
Stress reduces when he experiences high levels of testosterone when she appreciates him for his accomplishments.
According to John Gray, the main intimacy gender needs are for women to be seen and for men to be appreciated for what they do.
The tricky part is that men’s testosterone levels drop if their oxytocin levels increase when they go into their ‘feminine energy’ as they listen and share their thoughts and feelings.
This is the reason there is a push-pull effect in relationships. A man can come into a woman’s world for only so long at a time. When a women is vulnerable to grow, her need for intimacy increases. If a man can give her what she needs and develop his listening skills, she feels less stressed, safer and supported. He will give what her what he can until he has to reduce his own stress levels. Then, he will give when he is ready to support her once again. Women don’t understand this about men and men do not realize how different women are. If a man cannot develop this skill within himself the women will move on to where she can find a way to reduce her need for intimacy. The invitation is for a woman to expand her repertoire of intimate reflection to beyond her man (during the times he needs to reduce his own stress levels). Avoid becoming completely dependent on our giving men to fulfil a vulnerable woman’s insatiable desire for intimacy.
We can all expect our partners to help us experience intimacy but that makes us needy and, even worse … pushes our partners, whom we need now more than ever to support us, away. This is when it is useful to know how to create more intimacy without being needy.
4 THINGS WOMEN CAN DO TO EXPERIENCE MORE INTIMACY
- Write your deepest feelings down to express them (for yourself)
- Spend time talking with a therapist or coach that specializes in the emerging feminine
- Teach your man what you need and cultivate and accept that he needs his down time to recoup his testosterone levels; he is not rejecting you.
- Understand and learn that your vulnerability, when expressed with an open heart and when it touches your un-beautiful, is teaching you to love yourself more.
Understand that to be loved the way you want to be loved first requires that you love yourself in this way.
It does not have to stop with feeling safe enough to go through our transition more successfully. What we change and how we do this is what makes us the powerful women we desire to be. If we can apply these tips we can go one step further and take responsibility for the meaning we make of our lives and in which direction it takes us.
The time has come to change the old fairy tale and create more independent and empowered women who save themselves!
A damsel in distress will always be needing a man to save her. A damsel who can save herself by giving herself what she needs appreciates a conscious and willing man that mirrors her own relationship with herself. The bond that gives a man freedom inside a relationship to be himself secures a lasting relationship where intimacy can grow on a solid foundation where two people who love themselves can share their love.