Questions & Answers

On this page are answers & questions to popular topics when we learn how to reconnect with ourselves.

I cover relationships, emotions and information you need for personal development to help you better reconnect with yourself. If you wish to submit your own question just Ask me.

This page is not meant for personal coaching but address issues in a non-generic manner. You might be surprised at how many others like you have similar questions, which is why I share some questions & answers.

How do I connect with the inner me?

I do several things to help me to connect with the inner me. This is by no means comprehensive but it will help you to discover some new places from where to find your own way.

  • I have a special place that I reserve for connecting with myself where I keep the energy pure. Over time the energy build up so each time I go there it is with that purpose only (to connect with my inner ‘Me’).
  • I have certain things that trigger me to have an inner dialogue and I learned to use cards to ask messages and then learn how to interpret the answers I get. I use physical cards that I resonate with but each person have their own preference.
  • When I feel emotional I allow myself to feel it and this is the key part of my personal process to break through what is between me and my inner ‘me’. When the emotions are out the way it is easy to talk to Source and hear the soft inner voice without distractions.

There are a lot of things that you can do to help you, like –

Physically

Create a daily practice so you are always open to receive messages and live in a way that makes sure you will recognise and hear the soft inner voice. I find meditation helpful as it clears my mind from day to day repetitive thoughts.

Mentally & Emotionally

I make space for myself to reflect in a journal or sitting in thought to let feelings come up that informs me of where I have psychic energy that needs to be resolved (healed).

Spiritually

I open myself for a connection and learn the languages of my soul. My soul connects to me through dreams, sometimes through events in my life and synchronistic events and mostly through emotional charges which teach me to ‘go there’.

I develop ways for myself to work with these emotional charges which leads me deeper into me.

I am a recently divorced female in her 40’s, never dated before and I am scared. What should I do?

Being scared is normal when you face the unknown. You need a new mental map of how to be you as a single person.

There are ups and downs to being divorced –

Benefits:

  • You are free to be you without pleasing someone else.
  • You can get to know yourself better.
  • You have more time to spend on yourself.

Challenges:

  • Work through your loss until you have completely forgiven your ex-partner, even if you were the one who wanted a divorce.
  • Restructure your finances and if needed provide your own income.
  • Learn to present yourself to strangers with confidence.

 

The US & UK report that 66% of divorces are initiated by women (see here Relationship Advice ) and often women once they split up driven by emotional factors find themselves single are ill equipped to take care of themselves without a full understanding of what they need to learn from the whole experience.

When we are in our 40’s we seek meaning and what gives our life value before we just automatically do what we did in our 20’s.

In my book where I address the issues of transitioning women, who leave their partners, I talk about the deep issues women experience. Many women desire more intimacy and connection. I also address feelings of being misunderstood and specifically bring words to feelings. We need more than understanding. Words help to express. With addressing what created the split of a relationship, one is more equipped to go forward to meet the next partner.

This is not for everyone of course, but it is now a statistical fact that 60% of therapy cases that ends up in psycologist practices should actually be addressed by how we deal with a spiritual crises.

I do believe that is what is happening with more and more women. Wanting to deal with dating again so soon comes from only knowing how to be a partner.

Being scared is normal. But once you equip yourself with knowledge which is clearly being requested here you will overcome that. Just remember to take what you learned from your last experience and apply it to the next one.

Becoming who we truly are is a gift. Enjoy it.

If you go into another relationship straight away you might repeat the last experience sooner than you think.

If you are that way inclined read my book – www.Canyouseemenaked.com or even better join the study group live sessions here.

Is it normal to feel empty and misunderstood?

Usually, I feel quite happy, but this year, I’ve started feeling more lonely and misunderstood. Sometimes I get really annoyed at people, even if they were my best friend. Sometimes I also feel empty. Why does this happen? Is there a way to get rid of this feeling? It only happens on some days.

As a coach who deal with women that are prepared to change their lives because they feel misunderstood, I know that many people who are happy can one day just change.

You consider all that you did until now and wonder why you are not happy any more. I can also tell you that ignorance will not make it go away. You can distract yourself or try to numb it, but when you are quiet inside the emptiness will come back.

How do I know? Because it happens a lot of people when they mature. Why it happens is more a ‘when does it happen’ question. In my book I explained that something can trigger a ‘change of heart’ within us that leaves us feeling with a sense of ‘what is missing’ … the emptiness you feel.

What is happening is that your soul is starting to connect with you from within. Have you started dreaming yet? This is the soul’s way of trying to reach you. The world stuff will no longer satisfy you as it did before. If this is you then you will feel like people do not understand you any more. Something amazing is happening. You are becoming sensitive. Your needs might change and your values will too. Have a look at this video because I am sure you will relate. Maybe it will help you.

Is it normal for an introvert to feel like crying after a long day?

Introverts get their energy from being alone.

Extroverts get their energy from being with other people.

It is also possible that you are and empath (someone who absorb other people’s feelings).

As an empath myself I often get overloaded by other people emotions and after a long day. I can get totally exhausted and overstimulated. Do I cry? Sure if it helps me to release the energy.

If I may make a suggestion … learn to set emotional boundaries for yourself. I did a wonderful interview with Heidi Sawyer who wrote a few books for sensitive people.Here is the link.

I have a son in his 30’s. He is socially isolated, cannot trust anyone, if someone upsets him in one place then he is upset with everyone. Is he ill?

Your son is just socially inept. Many young people live in a virtual world and are not socially aware or interested to interact. Have you taken him to a councillor or therapist? If he acts out of context he might be defending a sensitive and vulnerable self image. In America the biggest upcoming diagnosed disease is ADD and there are links to young people spending more than 2hours a day with modern technology.

I am feeling constant loneliness and emptiness. What should I do?

What a brave question❤️ We are never really alone. There is always someone looking and watching us from within. To know the emptiness comes from looking inside. The feeling comes when we seem unable to draw energy from ourselves. So beautifully designed is this that it sends us deeper inside.

I too felt alone in my relationship and my house (as busy as a zoo). Until I realised I did not know who I was anymore. I felt like an ATM machine where everyone came to withdraw money but no one made a deposit. I felt soulless.

I travelled and searched and after an epiphany returned to write and share for others like me. My advise would be use this to find your own inner voice and its message.

What is like to get emotionally attached to a coach after going through numerous sessions when you recover from a trauma?

The reason you feel this way is because you get to share a very intimate space telling personal stuff to someone you feel close to.

I learned to explain to gentlemen who arrived after the 2nd or 3rd session with flowers and chocolates that what they feel is from sharing intimacy. Intimacy was important to achieve results because they need to completely trust me. But, once I explained to them that what they now know how to feel with me, can be felt with their own partners, this resolved a lot of pressure for both of us.

Good luck!

What is the process of confirmation?

I like to work with this on a practical level with my clients. “How do we know what we know?”
I start looking for the body (which does not know how to lie like the mind) to inform me. I notice what is different in sensations. I keep asking the question until a pattern reveals itself of repetitive yes/no answers which I then continue using as recognition signals.

Of course for this to work you need to hold a premise in mind that…
There is at least 3 truths:
Yours
Mine
The truth
The body will respond to what resonates for you.

The mind: Do I control my brain or does it control me?

The answer you seek is both, but ‘who’ is in charge depends on how well you know yourself.

What can loneliness do to a person?

Being alone can trap you inside your mind. People who are connected to other people get signals and support that keeps them kinda normal. We need other human being contact.
We tell ourselves we believe … so watch out for that.

How do you detach yourself from your mind like Tolle suggests?

When I first read A New Earth I was overwhelmed by the pain body concept. Most people can’t move past their emotions (this relates to the pain body concept), because of feelings interfering with the mind.
Years later I know that ‘disconnecting/detaching’ is not the end goal, nor did he know it when he wrote that book.

That says three things about how to detach like Tolle suggests:
1) Notice your feelings without judging them
2) Don’t let your emotions prevent you from separating you from using your mind as a tool (instead of your mind enslaving you with its stories)
3) Once you are able to observe your emotions and thoughts without making some kind of meaning you will understand that ‘observing’ them is the key not detaching.

How do you do it – SIMPLE
I close my eyes and as the thoughts come in give it names: past, future, present and let it go. The thoughts/feelings eventually stop.

Is it me or society that is making me feel that the further I go on this spiritual path, the more I feel alone and disconnected. When I am with people I don’t feel like I belong these days. What can I do about this?

Sadly when we seek out this path the awareness of recognising our higher values leaves us exposed to judge the lack thereof in others. The first step to mastery on the spiritual path is overcoming judging others because it separates us from them. True enlightenment means we are all all things. This truly opened my understanding in a whole new way. I hope this will help you too.

Are there distinctly different masculine and feminine values?

  • Masculine attributes are about focus and directed goals. It has reason.
  • Feminine attributes are about receptivity and gathering. It has creativity.
  • Masculine energy expands and Female energy magnetises.

Values of both depends on how much a person has evolved and matured in their male or female archetypes.
I hope it helps. I wrote a book about relationships with the core principal explaining that we need both to have a chemistry, but it only works if we share similar values (whatever they are). With age our values shift into the higher planes and males and females connect more than physically, also mentally, emotionally and spiritually with each other.

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