Featuring: Lessons in Heartbreak

Falling love

Featuring: Lessons in Heartbreak

 

Sometimes you are so moved by words that it transport you back to your own deeply felt experiences. That is how I felt reading Lessons in Heartbreak.  

It made me reminisce about:

  • The passion of love
  • Realise that we are never ever too old to experience falling for love
  • The mojo of women and if we have forgotten how powerful we are

 

I want you to read this and really feel it. I don’t want to analyse it. It is too beautiful. The writer gave me full permission to repost her blog and I do for the reasons I always share. Become empowered! Love moves the world around.

 


 

I recently fell in love. Deeply. I had all the classic symptoms; I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on anything. He was interesting, cute, sweet, sexy, bright, difficult, challenging – everything that I wanted. He told me that he never shared so intimately with anyone, he told me he loved me, he told me that he was a better man around me, he told me that he thinks I could be the one. And the kisses…well, left me breathless.

Now let me take a moment to clarify that I was not looking for this. In fact, I am a pragmatist, not romantic and certainly not sentimental at all. It came out of left field and knocked me off my feet.

The synchronicities and symbols that popped up everywhere made me realise, after our second date, that my animus was constellated. My ex was worried and warned me to take it easy! To which I replied, ‘It’s too late!’. I was in love and I surrendered to the experience completely.

I had thought that I would never feel like that again, that it just was not in the cards for me. When it happened, I jumped straight in with both feet, basking in the warmth and heat of the experience. For years prior to this experience, I suspected that I was like sleeping beauty, frustrated and debilitated by my inability to awaken myself. I felt like something was missing from my life and no matter what I tried and pursued it remained nebulous and out of reach.  And suddenly here was my prince, and he brought me back to life with a single kiss.

I was transformed, I felt alive, awake. I was so happy!

Alas! I had to fall in love with the most adult person ever, whilst I was transformed into a love starved teenager. As much as I pushed and loved and embraced, he ran in the opposite direction. Too much, too soon, relax, calm down, he warned. But I opened my heart, my house and more – he said he is not ready to commit, can’t marry again, can’t love again. While having just come out of a nasty divorce, surviving cancer and a bad accident, he told me he is in no condition to love me. My perspective was that this is an amazing opportunity, a gift and an act of grace. Let’s take it with both hands, I told him, let’s lose ourselves in love and passion! To which he replied, you’re pushing too hard.

And shortly afterwards, he broke it off with the excuse that he couldn’t give me what I wanted and that he didn’t want to hurt me.

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Comments (4)

  • Dominique Reply

    Oh, I FELT you in the telling of your story! Thank you for this blog, Adele – and to the author.

    It was in the year 2010 that I fell so utterly, giddily, full-throttle-indecently in love – with a man from Sedona. He was a man who kind of spoke my spirit-language – and got my juices really flowing. I felt utterly alive! I completely fell apart when he pulled back (with no informing me that he was doing this…just silence) after he flew out, from South Africa, to the USA for a visit. I’d projected my EVERYTHING on to him but I did not know this, then. I was furious and crushed and I agonized over what I could have done ‘wrong’. He had asked me to be open and honest, yet it seemed that when I was, it was too much for him to handle. (I can be a LOT to handle) I felt cut. Raw. Rejected. Lost. Sad in my soul.

    This was the beginning of an ‘unraveling’ within me , as something deep within me began to crack – and it would be years before it truly started to break open.

    I have…settled and I know this. It is for now. I stay safely with my first ex husband, sharing a platonic friendship with him – yet, one that is surprisingly also more conscious than I’ve ever had before. My heart keeps opening more and so I take this as a sign that I am right where I am meant to be. By seeing my lost parts in him, especially the fragile parts that scare me so much about myself, over & over, I get to open my heart more and more, to my own. I sometimes ask myself: “Will you ever open your heart again to the ‘in’-love’, overwhelmingly and achingly ALIVE kind of experience – one that gets your heart beating faster ?” Perhaps. I’m too scared to, in all honesty. Perhaps I still carry a fantasy image of ‘love’? Perhaps my fear is not only that I won’t be loved back like that (passionately, according to my definition or image of passion) but that if someone loves me like that, could I then really receive this kind of love and then LOVE him back, like that, continually? Will I run from it? Have I learned enough to be fully present?

    I am deeply and profoundly loved by my first ex-husband, the father of my children. It never felt like ‘enough’ though, before. Today, I do feel somewhat content in our new, different relationship. I also feel…old. Washed up. Dry. This doesn’t escape my notice. Safe love feels…well, SAFE, right now.

    I was one who told both of my husbands, at the time I was married to them, that “I don’t think I really love you. I will hurt you”. Self-prophesying. I had a long way to go towards loving myself…

    My second marriage, in Hawaii, would reveal so many of my denied shadows, to me. It would take me further into both the disowned light and shadows within, that I’d fiercely fought against and judged as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, especially after I walked away from this union.

    My journey to know love fully, seems to be ever-continuing and unfolding. (I, too, have a beautifully wise daughter who teaches me, often, when we share.)

    Thank you for this blog. I don’t have the answers for myself yet – yet I also know that somewhere inside of me, I do. I’m just a toddler right now, learning about what love is – and focusing on letting go and to then let go and let go some more, of all and any preconceived notions I have, about what this thing called LOVE shoud look like.

    Most days, I feel full of my own love, now! I’ve been returning my heart to…myself. To her home inside me. On other days, I feel a fleeting emptiness (as opposed to feeling it constantly before) and can find myself longing for an un-earthly ‘completeness’ and the heightened feelings that giving and receiving in an ‘ecstatic’ kind of love-relating experience can bring. I have experienced this, fleetingly, though – perhaps it was ‘enough’. Perhaps it was an illusion, inviting me further into me. Into love?

    Every single relationship, no matter how fleeting, did bring me deep lessons and in hindsight, came to teach me more about myself. And the ‘others’ around me. It, paradoxically, appears that I learn a LOT when in a relationship – and when not. I spend much of my time in silence, now, and in this stillness, I do hear more of my own heart.

    Thank you!

    April 22, 2017 at 11:57 am
    • Adele Green Reply

      Dear Dominique,
      The true enigma is unfolding the mystery of our own lives. Of course you have the answers, but it comes with a dedication to your own connection. Life is built on a polarity we call the engine which runs Earth. And in between there we find our own truth… a little bit of both sides of the same coin.
      Your answers will come.
      Love
      Adele

      May 16, 2017 at 11:25 am
  • Jack Reply

    I see this same scenario played out over and over again … on the timeline of my friends using Facebook … finding the perfect man, the best thing that has ever happened to them, the perfect man and he loves her and her cat … it is the find of a lifetime and she will be happy forever and ever, amen! Her relationship status says

    Six months later the posts become a little less bright, he had done this or that which upset her, but they have talked and he now understands how he had upset her and promises never to do it again, but her relationship status now proclaims “It’s Complicated”

    Another 4-6 months and she has reached the point of openly bad-mouthing him in her posts, and within a month or two she has changed her relationship status to single again! Rinse and repeat!!

    Most of them do not even wait 4-6 weeks before you see the next perfect man that she has found paraded on her timeline … and those in the know will begin placing bets, on how long it is before “It’s Complicated” will show up on her status this time around!

    Now I am the last person to claim to understand this behavior … it strikes me as someone desperate to not be alone, for any reason or any amount of time … and I’ve seen a few men perform this as well, though women vastly outnumber the men 10-1 at least!

    Perhaps it goes much deeper than that, and they honestly do not realize that TRUE happiness comes from within … and expecting the next man in your life to GIVE you the happiness you long for is a fool’s errand … this type of relationship will always soar like a rocket in the first moments … then the newness of the relationship has worn off, and the mundane aspect of being in a relationship sets in again … at which time she watches her happiness quickly fade, once again wondering why this always happens to her.

    Maybe taking at least six months off before the next “John” is acquired … start meditating, do some yoga, spend an hour a day on deep-breathing exercises, maybe a HUGE dose of self-reflection and introspection staring in a mirror … you are the expert, but it seems pitifully obvious that the person experiencing this cycle is the cause of the relationships breaking off, no matter how hard they and their friends try to blame the “terrible” man that did this to her!

    October 6, 2017 at 7:37 pm
    • Adele Green Reply

      Hi Jack, true happiness does come from within first. But not only. Once we find it there it is also available outside in the shape of a man as I have discovered. One reflects the other. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

      October 9, 2017 at 9:03 pm

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